How to Ask for a “Koffiegesprek”: A 5-Step Guide for Internationals 

You know you need to build your Dutch network, but how? The idea of sending a cold message to a stranger on LinkedIn feels terrifying. What do you say? Won’t you be bothering them? What if they say no? 

This anxiety is a major obstacle. Let’s dismantle it with a clear, practical plan. The koffiegesprek is a perfectly normal part of Dutch business culture, but only if you follow the etiquette. Here is your 5-step guide to doing it right. 

1. The ‘Ask’: Be Specific, Respectful, and Clear 

Your first message is everything. Do not be vague. Never say, “I’m looking for a job.” Instead, show you’ve done your research. 

• A good message: “Dear [Name], I’m an international [Your Role] and I truly admire the work your team at [Company] has done on [Specific Project]. As I’m new to the Dutch market, I’m trying to learn from leaders in this sector. Would you be open to a 20-minute coffee meeting so I could ask for your insights?” 
• A bad message: “Hi, I see you work at [Company]. I am looking for a job. Can you help me?” 

2. The Preparation: Do Your Homework 

They said yes. Now, your goal is to make this the easiest 20 minutes of their day. Research them and their company. Prepare 3-4 intelligent questions that are not about you. 

• Good questions: “What do you see as the biggest trend in your industry in the next year?” “What is the company culture really like at [Company]?” “What advice would you have for someone with my background trying to navigate this field?” 
• Bad question: “So, what jobs do you have for me?” 

3. The Meeting: You Are the Host 

Even if you are the one asking, you are in charge of the meeting. 

• Be on time. (This means 5 minutes early). 
• Offer to pay for the coffee. They will likely refuse, but the gesture is non-negotiable. 
• Respect the clock. Start by saying, “Thank you so much for your time. I know you’re busy, so I’ll be sure to keep this to 20 minutes.” Then, at 19 minutes, you say, “I’m mindful of your time. Thank you again.” 

4. The Real Ask: The Magic Question 

You are not there to ask for a job. You are there to ask for more connections. As you wrap up, ask this question: “Based on our conversation, is there one other person you would recommend I speak to?” This is how you turn one coffee meeting into five. 

5. The Follow-Up: Be Immediate and Add Value 

Send a thank-you email or LinkedIn message the same day. Reiterate one specific piece of advice you found valuable. This small step builds a bridge from a simple meeting to a professional relationship. 

You Have the 5 Steps. Are You Ready to Take the First One? 

You’ve read the guide. You know how to ask for a koffiegesprek. But theory is one thing. Practice is another. 

• Does your finger still hover over the ‘send’ button? 
• Are you second-guessing your wording, afraid of a cultural misstep? 
• Do you feel like an imposter just for asking? 

This is where confidence is built. You don’t need more articles; you need a safe place to practice. You need a sparring partner. 

A Gort coach helps you turn this 5-step plan from an awkward script into your natural, professional advantage. We help you master the etiquette and refine your personal story until it feels like second nature. 

Don’t let hesitation be the reason you fail. Your next level needs a guide. Plan your free, no-obligation orientation call today and master the koffiegesprek this week.