The expat leader’s dilemma: How to master dutch directness 

Here is the trap. Your Dutch manager tells you, “Your feedback is too vague. You need to be more direct.” So, in your next performance review, you are clear and direct with your team member. The result? They complain to HR that you were “too aggressive” and “unprofessional.” 

This is the expat leader’s dilemma. You are caught between two cultures, and your authority is eroding. 

To lead effectively here, you must master the art of Dutch directness. It’s a two-sided coin: learning how to receive it and learning how to give it. 

Part 1: How to Receive Directness 

The first time a colleague says, “I don’t like your idea,” it feels like a personal attack. The Reframe: It is not personal. It is task-oriented. They are not saying, “You are a bad leader.” They are saying, “There is a flaw in this plan.” 

This is a gift. It’s clear, transparent data. Instead of getting defensive, get curious. Thank them for their “clarity” (duidelijkheid) and ask, “What part concerns you?” By doing this, you build trust and show you are a leader who is focused on the best result, not on your own ego. 

Part 2: How to Give Directness (The Dutch Way) 

This is the advanced skill. “Direct” does not mean “rude.” The Dutch are masters of being clear, but on a foundation of mutual respect. It’s about being honest about the task, not the person. 

• Bad Directness (Seen as “Aggressive”): “You did this all wrong. It’s late, and the quality is bad. Fix it.” 
• Good Directness (Seen as “Clear”): “Hi [Name]. I need to be direct. The deadline was Monday, and the report I received had three major errors. This is not the quality I expect from you, and it impacts the team. I need you to correct it by 3 PM. What happened?” 

The second example is firm, factual, and non-emotional. It focuses on the behavior and the impact, and then opens a (short) dialogue. This is the “respectful bluntness” that builds effective teams in the Netherlands. 

Feedback is a leadership accelerator. 

You’ve seen how to reframe blunt feedback and deliver it effectively. But this strategy requires you to challenge your old habits and find a new leadership voice. 

• Do you still flinch when you receive direct criticism? 
• Are you worried your “clear” feedback will be perceived as “aggressive”? 
• Is it hard to feel like an authentic leader when you’re following new rules? 

This is the final piece of the puzzle. You are a strong leader. You just need a sparring partner to help you adapt your style without losing yourself. 

A Gort coach for expats is your mirror. We help you find the balance between your authentic style and the Dutch “rules of the game,” so you can be both respected and effective. 

Stop being a visitor. Become the leader your team needs. This is a skill, and we can teach you. Plan your free, no-obligation orientation call today to build the career—and the confidence—you deserve.